I'm going to have to take a huge RoA/LoA from my GM duties and more than likely the server. Explanation is very long and can seem somewhat fucked up, but this is what I've lived with for my whole life, so I've come to accept it. Sorry if it is a long read, but I want to get it off my chest.
Some, if not most, people on the staff team are familiar with how fucked up my house situation is. For those who are not familiar, I have a father who is extremely verbally abusive and tends to shut down everything happy that happens in my life. For the past four months, he lectured me 24/7 about not finding a job and as soon as I found one (admittedly, it was not high-paying and not very skills-oriented), he yelled at me for a couple hours about how the world is unfair that I got a job with how little technical skills I have on my plate. I tried to calm myself down and he yelled at me to "stop playing with the tissues" and told me how weak I am and that I won't be able to get far in life if I can't handle stress.
Just today in the car, my dad got pissed off at me for wasting my time with video games and social media. It was mostly my fault. I'm legitimately afraid that one day when I'm not here, he'll break my laptop or sell it off or lock it away in a closet.
Currently, I'm taking a programming class at college. It's literally one course and I'm not working towards any degree or anything. I'm in the class for just the knowledge. My dad talked to me in the car and asked whether I was doing well. Admittedly, I lied to him on multiple previous occasions that everything was going okay when in reality, I actually just neglected to do most of the assignments and just didn't follow along (Because honestly, programming is cool and all, but I cannot force myself to enjoy it when it's for school and not even compulsory school at that).
Today, I lost my nerve in lying and came off as unconfident in my response, which my dad immediately leapt on and trashtalked about how I have a shitty job at a charity organization, saying how it's a testament of how much I'm a failure at life. He said that because I work for the Red Cross, it's no surprise that I have a low-paying job, because I don't work for a private organization that scams customers and pulls morally questionable shortcuts to make more money (and therefore, higher salaries for employees).
Unfortunately, none of the solutions I have on hand will work. I cannot move out, because I don't have enough money to move out and get my own place (Living expenses in this city are atrocious. Thanks, Trudeau). I can't shout back or argue back, because my dad always keeps screaming louder and louder until you give up (Trust me, I've TRIED. I've tried arguing for literally 5 hours and he kept circling back to the same arguments). My mom is a fucking coward who doesn't want to step up for her own son. My sister just tells me to suck it up because she dealt with it before (Really, she doesn't give an actual shit, because she has her own place and probably couldn't care less about me).
I don't feel safe anymore in my own room. Hell, my dad said he'll retire in January and that he'll monitor me on what I'm doing up until 8-9pm at night. And I'm not allowed to move out until February.
But really, I've come to accept that I can't do anything about this. Unfortunately, as much as I want otherwise, my dad has wormed his way into my life, even though I'm 23, and is likely going to be a permanent part of it. Honestly, given the success of my sister and other people from my high school, I probably deserve all of this for not acting on things earlier.
Some, if not most, people on the staff team are familiar with how fucked up my house situation is. For those who are not familiar, I have a father who is extremely verbally abusive and tends to shut down everything happy that happens in my life. For the past four months, he lectured me 24/7 about not finding a job and as soon as I found one (admittedly, it was not high-paying and not very skills-oriented), he yelled at me for a couple hours about how the world is unfair that I got a job with how little technical skills I have on my plate. I tried to calm myself down and he yelled at me to "stop playing with the tissues" and told me how weak I am and that I won't be able to get far in life if I can't handle stress.
Just today in the car, my dad got pissed off at me for wasting my time with video games and social media. It was mostly my fault. I'm legitimately afraid that one day when I'm not here, he'll break my laptop or sell it off or lock it away in a closet.
Currently, I'm taking a programming class at college. It's literally one course and I'm not working towards any degree or anything. I'm in the class for just the knowledge. My dad talked to me in the car and asked whether I was doing well. Admittedly, I lied to him on multiple previous occasions that everything was going okay when in reality, I actually just neglected to do most of the assignments and just didn't follow along (Because honestly, programming is cool and all, but I cannot force myself to enjoy it when it's for school and not even compulsory school at that).
Today, I lost my nerve in lying and came off as unconfident in my response, which my dad immediately leapt on and trashtalked about how I have a shitty job at a charity organization, saying how it's a testament of how much I'm a failure at life. He said that because I work for the Red Cross, it's no surprise that I have a low-paying job, because I don't work for a private organization that scams customers and pulls morally questionable shortcuts to make more money (and therefore, higher salaries for employees).
Unfortunately, none of the solutions I have on hand will work. I cannot move out, because I don't have enough money to move out and get my own place (Living expenses in this city are atrocious. Thanks, Trudeau). I can't shout back or argue back, because my dad always keeps screaming louder and louder until you give up (Trust me, I've TRIED. I've tried arguing for literally 5 hours and he kept circling back to the same arguments). My mom is a fucking coward who doesn't want to step up for her own son. My sister just tells me to suck it up because she dealt with it before (Really, she doesn't give an actual shit, because she has her own place and probably couldn't care less about me).
I don't feel safe anymore in my own room. Hell, my dad said he'll retire in January and that he'll monitor me on what I'm doing up until 8-9pm at night. And I'm not allowed to move out until February.
But really, I've come to accept that I can't do anything about this. Unfortunately, as much as I want otherwise, my dad has wormed his way into my life, even though I'm 23, and is likely going to be a permanent part of it. Honestly, given the success of my sister and other people from my high school, I probably deserve all of this for not acting on things earlier.
